Have you ever felt...

That you are only really true to yourself when you are face to face with God? Or you are only honest with your feelings when you're at Mass, at the foot of the altar? I'm happy to say that this is true for me, but it would indicate that I am not true to myself outside of church. I'll go through the motions Monday through Saturday, have a nonchalant attitude towards all my problems, settle in complacency when faced with adversity... and then comes Sunday. The numbness goes away and I actually start having mixed feelings--some joy, sorrow, anger, anguish, unworthiness. And then, the sun goes down and I'm back to my old habits. I'm back to half-hearted efforts and anticipation for another wake-up call six days later. How do I break free from such a habit? I feel like I've made much too many empty promises and I'm exhausted on many levels.

Anywho, song to reflect upon:
Fix You by Coldplay

Jesus I Trust in You.

No greater prayer.

Low-Key still Hoping.

Still hoping, wishing, and praying in faith that I may do God's will. It's difficult when you hear so many different voices when you're SURE what you heard was from Him. I don't know if its foolishness to ask, but I'm waiting for a sign that cannot be explained by chance. Yesterday, I've learned a great deal from someone driven by faith and not by sight. Someone who knows exactly what I'm feeling as well. And today, Broskee's words .. er the Holy Spirit's words gave me more goosebumps!  

"Just doing what God wants you to do.....will do something great for God"

Basically, God can turn anything into a blessing. A priest who was thinking twice about his vocation gave a very short homily.. something along the lines of "if you think you are being called to serve God in a special way, pray about it" and one guy in the congregation begins praying. When he meets the priest again after his ordination, the guy tells him how that short homily changed his life. The priest who felt like leaving the ministry decides to stick with the priesthood. Oh hey!



I know retelling that story was horrible, because I'm a horrible story teller, but it just showed me that God can still use you to be a blessing for someone else. The moment you say "Use me" to God, be prepared, because He WILL use you. But with such a responsibility, God always gives you this JOY. It's special because it only comes directly from Him. Even if you're bogged down, and you feel the struggle and the weight of the cross, he still makes you happy. After all "with every Good Friday in our lives, there is an Easter Sunday." I'm still hopeful! It's Easter, and and I was renewed in faith and hope. Please continue to pray for me. Not necessarily for what I want, but for what God wants for me. 
 



Happy Easter, everyone. He is RISEN. Alleluia Alleluia! <3

To God be the Glory!

"Hymn" by Brooke Fraser

I challenge you to listen to this song and make it a prayer. I currently got it on replay to help me get through this blog. I know f'sure that all of us can relate to the "Prodigal Son" or the "Lost sheep" (we've all run away from home or strayed from the shepherd) but take a look at the Lamb of God, the perfect sacrifice. Many praised David, since he was a man after God's own heart. But God, this amazing Father is after our own hearts. No matter what we've done, how much we've done it, a new sin, an old sin, He continues to love us. How so? He "forfeits glory" and sends his Beloved Son to come after us, to die for us, and to give us eternal life with Him. Sure sure, it sounds so cliche. It's not. Our understanding of it CAN'T get old. It can only get deeper, since we can never fully know Him.

So for a while now, I've felt like the lost sheep especially because I haven't been able to understand what God wants for me, and so many other trials (from insecurities, responsibilities, and school). This Lenten season, I haven't been able to commit to any of my promises out of frustration. But before this week started, especially since things started turning up with nameless situations, I told God that this will be a great, if not awesome, Holy Week.

Holy Thursday: Finished my calculus exam feeling downcast, and went to LifeTeen Club. Scarlet gave a short talk bout Holy Thursday and we even got to touch up on the Eucharist. YAY! Went to Confession with Allison, Kandice, Pauline, Kellie, and Mark. I avoided doing face-to-face with Father Jim, but I ended up going there anyway, praise God. Hahah. It was so funny because we were in the Sanctuary and Father Jim stopped me mid-confession to do something real quick and the ladies were staring at me and chuckling because they thought I said something to make him go. ROFL. Anywho, I hope to find someone who I can regularly confess to, just like what Matthew does. I really want someone to be accountable for me. So HOLLER if you know any priests with spare time. Kellie told me she finally talked to the woman in charge of RCIA, oh Hey! Went to Hermosa Bible Study, and missed almost all of Casey's talk, but DID learn something new:

Fear of the Lord = to hate sin.*

Went to the 7:30 Liturgical Service with Oliver, and it was super cool. It was really something. I don't really know how to describe it. But I LOVE the incense. So much reverence in the church. The church was PACKED too, which was a pretty thing to see. One bad thing though: people left right after receiving communion, some didn't even participate. I hope one day people realize that they are in a place that resembles paradise. Pray for them please?

Good Friday: Minimum day today, and I got my horrible test scores. Nonetheless, I went to the 1:30 Liturgical Service. OH MY GOSH. JEEEBUSSS! It was one of THEE most amazing Masses I have EVER experienced. Luckily, I got a spot in one of the first few pews. And let me tell you, you know something is going down when the priests and bishop are laying prostrate on the floor, in front of the altar. The smell of incense and I can feel the Holy Spirit moving around the room. Reading about His Passion. Hearing the homily about the cross bringing life, love, and joy. It was one of a kind. They brought a huge wooden cross that symbolized the whole event, and it went around in the pews. The moment I touched it, I got goosebumps. The girls behind me started tearing up, and my eyes started to tear up too. I don't know what it was. A mix of sorrow, joy, excitement. And at that moment I felt like I could hate sin. I wanted life and that's what I took for granted these past couple weeks. I want to be pleasing to God, and let my life be a sacrifice as well. I used to think Lent was all about feeling depressed and such, but in actuality, it's pretty GLORIOUS, since Jesus defeated death! Amen! I learned that life is found in the Cross. And it's in the cross, the sign of the cross, that we bless ourselves and one another. We use the cross to bless our food, heal the sick, cast out demons,etc. In everything we do, we bring LIFE through the cross. Amen! To God be the glory!

I hope and pray that your guys' Holy Week is revealing many things for you guys as it is for me. It's so inspiring to see people testify, so I ask you guys to share it when you can. I urge you guys to PRAY to WANT New Life. It doesn't matter if you think you're spiritually mature, or if you feel you can't turn your life around. You can still be renewed, made new. And another thing that struck me today: "You don't have to wait for Easter to experience joy in the Cross." You can despise sin--it brings us death-- and instead cling to God who can always give you new life when you decide to<3

I love you guys, and have a fabulous Holy Week! God bless!