I'm Just Sayin'!

I'm Just Sayin'
 
"I'm just sayin' God is always by your side
I'm just sayin' there's another hill to climb
I'm just sayin' rise up, stop wastin' time
I ain't playin, I'm just sayin'
choose life, choose right,
choose peace, choose hope,
choose love, choose Christ!"

Wow. This verse can't hit me much harder. To be honest, the reason I haven't been posting or updating people with my life is because I've been feeling pretty hopeless. For those of you who don't really know my ordeal, I'll try and explain it quickly.

I got accepted to Franciscan University (my first choice) as well as CSULB and CSUF. Never heard from SFSU, but that's besides the point. My parents and I have been at war over where I'll be attending college, and they've told me that Franciscan will be impossible because of the money. I then started tearing down all the Calstates I got accpeted too, since it will only be a minor difference financially. So I may end up in a community college, which is kind of embarrassing - not because of the fact that it's a community college - but facing people about my choice after all that time I reassured everyone and convinced everyone I'm going to Steubie. So I thought about it for a while and I thought, the only community college I'm willing to go to is COC, where Gian and Juls are currently attending. Gian told me last year that it was one of the top cc's! Well these past couple of weeks my mom's been trying to get me to sign up for GCC. It may not seem like a big deal. So what? It's in Glendale. But here's the thing:

I've tried SUPER hard these past 6 years, only to end up where both the motivated AND unmotivated go. I'll be seeing familiar faces and it'll be high school all over again. I'm sorry but I can't deal with that. Imagine walking around campus, seeing that one person that did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING during high school. There would have been no point in trying all these years! It's funny too, since I dealt with rarely being able to go out cause I always told myself "Don't worry, it'll be worth real soon when you go to college. All your hard work is gonna pay off." And I was frustrated because THIS is what fruit of all my hard work? And f'course I thought I was being reasonable because I agreed to withdraw from Franciscan and all the other colleges, but at LEAST let me go to whatever community college I want. -____-*

I'm pretty sure I left out quite a bit (some stuff outside of college was left out), but I'll leave it as is. I'm glad I went to Youth Day today. Not because of the major Catholic hype in a room filled with thousands of people, or the Jacob and Matthew band, or being able to ditch school. All of that is fantastic, don't get me wrong, but what struck me most was the Holy Spirit moving among the teens and speakers, and the Word that was being shared through Mass and amazing speakers. I've been pretty depressed these past couple of weeks up till a point where I numbed my feelings somehow. Up until today, I stopped caring about school, family, friends, etc. But the strongest message I got today was Stop being a MOPING MELISSA!!! It's funny cause that one line struck me in the very last talk, and the talk was continue to be a living testimony outside of the convention. And listening to the lyrics from the very beginning, only made things easier! Two things won't change:

1. God is always with you
2. There's always going to be obstacles

For me, once I saw the obstacles, I forgot the first constant! GOD! I always look back on how I was when I started getting in the faith. Always optimistic, faithful, hopeful that God will rescue me in ANY situation. I felt that these last few years have worn down that crucial part of my faith - faith itself. And so again. Life's full of choices.  blessings vs. curses, life vs. death, God vs. everything else. What will you choose?

P.S. I want to get back on track. No more backsliding. I'm sick of it, honestly. Please please please continue to pray for me. Another thing I learned to appreciate more is community, and we gotta believe in the network God has set us up with - His Church.

Can you spare a minute?

Hail Mary, full of grace the Lord is with thee
Blessed art thou amongst women
Blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, mother of God,
Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen

Our brothers and sisters in heaven, please continue to pray for us, especially during the times we forget to pray. Remind us that holiness IS attainable through your example and the Advocate that Jesus left with us. Help us to become who we were made to be - Superhero Saints.

And finally Father, please help us to TESTIFY TO LOVE. To love our brothers and sisters, and to help us love the broken body of Christ - the broken church. Unite us through You, and help us set aside differences. Finally, we invite the Holy Spirit into our hearts and lives on a much deeper level, so we may use us at ANY moment. Amen.

O glory be to the Father, the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be world without end. AMEN.