A New Perspective.

"It's time for Christianity to become a place of terror again; a place where God continually has to tell us, "Fear not," a place where our relationship with God is not a simple belief or doctrine or theology, but the constant awareness of God's terrifying presence in our lives. The nice, non-threatening God needs to be replaced by the God whose very presence smashes our ego into dust, burns our sins into ashes, and strips us naked to reveal the real person within... How did we end up so comfortable with God? How did our awe of God get reduced to a lukewarm appreciation of God? How did God become a pal instead of a heart-stopping presence? How can we think of Jesus without remembering his ground-shaking, thunder-crashing, stormy exit on the cross? Why aren't we continually catching our breath and saying, 'this is no ordinary God!'?"


An excerpt from Dangerous Wonder, from Blessed are the Bored in Spirit. 
Thank you Matthew!


I finally read the book that Matthew let me borrow several months ago. The reason I write this excerpt is because I wish to see the God I meet at Mass every week as the same God with the "ground-shaking, thunder-crashing, stormy exit on the cross." I wish I could be hungry for the Eucharist once again. I wish I can have this fear of the Lord so that I can finally run back home.Why God has not allowed me to come to this realization yet? Because I'm still in the process of being emptied.



Take me past the outer courts
Into the Holy Place
Past the brazen altar
Lord I want to see your face
Pass me by the crowds of people
And the Priests who sing your praise
I hunger and thirst for your righteousness
But it's only found in one place

[Chorus:]
Take me into the holy of holies
Take me in by the blood of the lamb
Take me into the holy of holies
Take the coal, touch my lips, here I am

Have you ever felt...

That you are only really true to yourself when you are face to face with God? Or you are only honest with your feelings when you're at Mass, at the foot of the altar? I'm happy to say that this is true for me, but it would indicate that I am not true to myself outside of church. I'll go through the motions Monday through Saturday, have a nonchalant attitude towards all my problems, settle in complacency when faced with adversity... and then comes Sunday. The numbness goes away and I actually start having mixed feelings--some joy, sorrow, anger, anguish, unworthiness. And then, the sun goes down and I'm back to my old habits. I'm back to half-hearted efforts and anticipation for another wake-up call six days later. How do I break free from such a habit? I feel like I've made much too many empty promises and I'm exhausted on many levels.

Anywho, song to reflect upon:
Fix You by Coldplay

Jesus I Trust in You.

No greater prayer.

Low-Key still Hoping.

Still hoping, wishing, and praying in faith that I may do God's will. It's difficult when you hear so many different voices when you're SURE what you heard was from Him. I don't know if its foolishness to ask, but I'm waiting for a sign that cannot be explained by chance. Yesterday, I've learned a great deal from someone driven by faith and not by sight. Someone who knows exactly what I'm feeling as well. And today, Broskee's words .. er the Holy Spirit's words gave me more goosebumps!  

"Just doing what God wants you to do.....will do something great for God"

Basically, God can turn anything into a blessing. A priest who was thinking twice about his vocation gave a very short homily.. something along the lines of "if you think you are being called to serve God in a special way, pray about it" and one guy in the congregation begins praying. When he meets the priest again after his ordination, the guy tells him how that short homily changed his life. The priest who felt like leaving the ministry decides to stick with the priesthood. Oh hey!



I know retelling that story was horrible, because I'm a horrible story teller, but it just showed me that God can still use you to be a blessing for someone else. The moment you say "Use me" to God, be prepared, because He WILL use you. But with such a responsibility, God always gives you this JOY. It's special because it only comes directly from Him. Even if you're bogged down, and you feel the struggle and the weight of the cross, he still makes you happy. After all "with every Good Friday in our lives, there is an Easter Sunday." I'm still hopeful! It's Easter, and and I was renewed in faith and hope. Please continue to pray for me. Not necessarily for what I want, but for what God wants for me. 
 



Happy Easter, everyone. He is RISEN. Alleluia Alleluia! <3

To God be the Glory!

"Hymn" by Brooke Fraser

I challenge you to listen to this song and make it a prayer. I currently got it on replay to help me get through this blog. I know f'sure that all of us can relate to the "Prodigal Son" or the "Lost sheep" (we've all run away from home or strayed from the shepherd) but take a look at the Lamb of God, the perfect sacrifice. Many praised David, since he was a man after God's own heart. But God, this amazing Father is after our own hearts. No matter what we've done, how much we've done it, a new sin, an old sin, He continues to love us. How so? He "forfeits glory" and sends his Beloved Son to come after us, to die for us, and to give us eternal life with Him. Sure sure, it sounds so cliche. It's not. Our understanding of it CAN'T get old. It can only get deeper, since we can never fully know Him.

So for a while now, I've felt like the lost sheep especially because I haven't been able to understand what God wants for me, and so many other trials (from insecurities, responsibilities, and school). This Lenten season, I haven't been able to commit to any of my promises out of frustration. But before this week started, especially since things started turning up with nameless situations, I told God that this will be a great, if not awesome, Holy Week.

Holy Thursday: Finished my calculus exam feeling downcast, and went to LifeTeen Club. Scarlet gave a short talk bout Holy Thursday and we even got to touch up on the Eucharist. YAY! Went to Confession with Allison, Kandice, Pauline, Kellie, and Mark. I avoided doing face-to-face with Father Jim, but I ended up going there anyway, praise God. Hahah. It was so funny because we were in the Sanctuary and Father Jim stopped me mid-confession to do something real quick and the ladies were staring at me and chuckling because they thought I said something to make him go. ROFL. Anywho, I hope to find someone who I can regularly confess to, just like what Matthew does. I really want someone to be accountable for me. So HOLLER if you know any priests with spare time. Kellie told me she finally talked to the woman in charge of RCIA, oh Hey! Went to Hermosa Bible Study, and missed almost all of Casey's talk, but DID learn something new:

Fear of the Lord = to hate sin.*

Went to the 7:30 Liturgical Service with Oliver, and it was super cool. It was really something. I don't really know how to describe it. But I LOVE the incense. So much reverence in the church. The church was PACKED too, which was a pretty thing to see. One bad thing though: people left right after receiving communion, some didn't even participate. I hope one day people realize that they are in a place that resembles paradise. Pray for them please?

Good Friday: Minimum day today, and I got my horrible test scores. Nonetheless, I went to the 1:30 Liturgical Service. OH MY GOSH. JEEEBUSSS! It was one of THEE most amazing Masses I have EVER experienced. Luckily, I got a spot in one of the first few pews. And let me tell you, you know something is going down when the priests and bishop are laying prostrate on the floor, in front of the altar. The smell of incense and I can feel the Holy Spirit moving around the room. Reading about His Passion. Hearing the homily about the cross bringing life, love, and joy. It was one of a kind. They brought a huge wooden cross that symbolized the whole event, and it went around in the pews. The moment I touched it, I got goosebumps. The girls behind me started tearing up, and my eyes started to tear up too. I don't know what it was. A mix of sorrow, joy, excitement. And at that moment I felt like I could hate sin. I wanted life and that's what I took for granted these past couple weeks. I want to be pleasing to God, and let my life be a sacrifice as well. I used to think Lent was all about feeling depressed and such, but in actuality, it's pretty GLORIOUS, since Jesus defeated death! Amen! I learned that life is found in the Cross. And it's in the cross, the sign of the cross, that we bless ourselves and one another. We use the cross to bless our food, heal the sick, cast out demons,etc. In everything we do, we bring LIFE through the cross. Amen! To God be the glory!

I hope and pray that your guys' Holy Week is revealing many things for you guys as it is for me. It's so inspiring to see people testify, so I ask you guys to share it when you can. I urge you guys to PRAY to WANT New Life. It doesn't matter if you think you're spiritually mature, or if you feel you can't turn your life around. You can still be renewed, made new. And another thing that struck me today: "You don't have to wait for Easter to experience joy in the Cross." You can despise sin--it brings us death-- and instead cling to God who can always give you new life when you decide to<3

I love you guys, and have a fabulous Holy Week! God bless!

Ba-dah- bah -pah -bahhh! I'm Lovin It!

So that was from my FB status. Victory for our King was SURELY at hand today!  This morning, I woke up at six, to go to school to make up a sig test, and I failed because of one, stupid and minor error. It was depressing because I realized I can't replace my test grade anymore. The morning went on and seemed to get worse when I got to third period, because I failed another sig test. By that time, I was so disappointed in myself that I didn't think I should try anymore. I was walking with Oliver to fourth period and he already knew how my day was going, and failed at cheering me up. HAHA.

Well after my test in fourth period, I quickly reviewed the talk I was going to give at LifeTeen Club about the "Our Father" and the line "Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven" kept sticking out, especially since the message behind that particular petition meant to rest in God and trust in the Father--knowing he will do what is best for us. It's not for us, but it's all for Him. Whatever we do, we do for Him! I started cheering up because I knew I had to step it up to give that talk, even though I felt inadequate in the beginning!

After the talk, I started feeling better. I went to Hermosa Bible Study, and that was amazing. Jimmy led us in songs of praise and worship, and I felt the Holy Spirit moving among the group. Andrew and Jaime also joined us for the first time, which was a blessing. One thing I want to say about Jimmy and Andrew though--they know how to LOVE. Just being around them.. I felt warmth and peace, and it was comforting. Oh shoot! And then Oliver gave his talk, and the theme of TRUST continued to recur! It was another blessing!

And then we moseyed on over to LT Bible Study. More people takin' notes, more people speakin' up. I loved it. And I loved being challenged to do MORE for Him. After, Me, Kellie, Mark, and Oliver went to Smart&Finals to do a secret thanggg (:

When we dropped Kellie and Mark home, Oliver and I talked about Revelation, and dug a little bit deeper in the faith. Hope and fear don't mix. That's what I learned..

More on this later, perhaps? G'night world! Maybe I'll actually write more than updates soon!

I'm Just Sayin'!

I'm Just Sayin'
 
"I'm just sayin' God is always by your side
I'm just sayin' there's another hill to climb
I'm just sayin' rise up, stop wastin' time
I ain't playin, I'm just sayin'
choose life, choose right,
choose peace, choose hope,
choose love, choose Christ!"

Wow. This verse can't hit me much harder. To be honest, the reason I haven't been posting or updating people with my life is because I've been feeling pretty hopeless. For those of you who don't really know my ordeal, I'll try and explain it quickly.

I got accepted to Franciscan University (my first choice) as well as CSULB and CSUF. Never heard from SFSU, but that's besides the point. My parents and I have been at war over where I'll be attending college, and they've told me that Franciscan will be impossible because of the money. I then started tearing down all the Calstates I got accpeted too, since it will only be a minor difference financially. So I may end up in a community college, which is kind of embarrassing - not because of the fact that it's a community college - but facing people about my choice after all that time I reassured everyone and convinced everyone I'm going to Steubie. So I thought about it for a while and I thought, the only community college I'm willing to go to is COC, where Gian and Juls are currently attending. Gian told me last year that it was one of the top cc's! Well these past couple of weeks my mom's been trying to get me to sign up for GCC. It may not seem like a big deal. So what? It's in Glendale. But here's the thing:

I've tried SUPER hard these past 6 years, only to end up where both the motivated AND unmotivated go. I'll be seeing familiar faces and it'll be high school all over again. I'm sorry but I can't deal with that. Imagine walking around campus, seeing that one person that did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING during high school. There would have been no point in trying all these years! It's funny too, since I dealt with rarely being able to go out cause I always told myself "Don't worry, it'll be worth real soon when you go to college. All your hard work is gonna pay off." And I was frustrated because THIS is what fruit of all my hard work? And f'course I thought I was being reasonable because I agreed to withdraw from Franciscan and all the other colleges, but at LEAST let me go to whatever community college I want. -____-*

I'm pretty sure I left out quite a bit (some stuff outside of college was left out), but I'll leave it as is. I'm glad I went to Youth Day today. Not because of the major Catholic hype in a room filled with thousands of people, or the Jacob and Matthew band, or being able to ditch school. All of that is fantastic, don't get me wrong, but what struck me most was the Holy Spirit moving among the teens and speakers, and the Word that was being shared through Mass and amazing speakers. I've been pretty depressed these past couple of weeks up till a point where I numbed my feelings somehow. Up until today, I stopped caring about school, family, friends, etc. But the strongest message I got today was Stop being a MOPING MELISSA!!! It's funny cause that one line struck me in the very last talk, and the talk was continue to be a living testimony outside of the convention. And listening to the lyrics from the very beginning, only made things easier! Two things won't change:

1. God is always with you
2. There's always going to be obstacles

For me, once I saw the obstacles, I forgot the first constant! GOD! I always look back on how I was when I started getting in the faith. Always optimistic, faithful, hopeful that God will rescue me in ANY situation. I felt that these last few years have worn down that crucial part of my faith - faith itself. And so again. Life's full of choices.  blessings vs. curses, life vs. death, God vs. everything else. What will you choose?

P.S. I want to get back on track. No more backsliding. I'm sick of it, honestly. Please please please continue to pray for me. Another thing I learned to appreciate more is community, and we gotta believe in the network God has set us up with - His Church.

Can you spare a minute?

Hail Mary, full of grace the Lord is with thee
Blessed art thou amongst women
Blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, mother of God,
Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen

Our brothers and sisters in heaven, please continue to pray for us, especially during the times we forget to pray. Remind us that holiness IS attainable through your example and the Advocate that Jesus left with us. Help us to become who we were made to be - Superhero Saints.

And finally Father, please help us to TESTIFY TO LOVE. To love our brothers and sisters, and to help us love the broken body of Christ - the broken church. Unite us through You, and help us set aside differences. Finally, we invite the Holy Spirit into our hearts and lives on a much deeper level, so we may use us at ANY moment. Amen.

O glory be to the Father, the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be world without end. AMEN.

Melchizedek!

Alright alright! Greatt day, today. Went to 9:00 Mass @ St. Dominic's, ran errands with mommy, paid for my negative balance at Chase(-__-), went to FCJC EAST/WEST Gathering over at Walnut, made it to the end of the 5:30 Mass @ Holy Family.

I had an interesting time at St. Dominic's, though. It was just me and my mommy, and we were finally on time to a morning mass Pwahah. Anywho, the readings were the same from Bible Study, but I took notes anyway just to remind myself of Thursday's discussion. Again, I just want to reiterate that I've been studying up on Covenant & Salvation History these past couple of weeks, which is probably the reason why this blog may not make sense. Is it annoying? Haha.

Some background information on Melchizedek: He was a high priest in the Old Testament and the New Testament often refers to him.

Well during Offeratory, while a couple was bringing up the gifts (the bread and wine), I just remembered last night's lesson about Melchizedek, being a part of a royal priesthood and a chosen race.

The relationship between the two is that the latter was influenced greatly by the former. It was through Melchizedek's example (Plus Noah & God f'course), that New Testament writers can say that we are a royal priesthood and a chosen race, since everyone after Melchizedek followed his example as a priest and passed on Abraham's blessing (Genesis 14:19-20).

We are part of that! We are priests and we have received Abraham's blessing, and I came to that realization when that couple brought up the gifts, just as Melchizedek did (Genesis 14:18) and Jesus did. They just did something priestly by bringing up the gifts that will be offered at Mass! I don't know about you, but for me THIS IS AMAZING. I remember being hesitant when I was asked to bring the gifts up to the altar for the first time. Kuya Pat asked me and my dad to do it, and I was pretty scared. If only I knew at that time, maybe I would have treated it as an HONOR. Which goes back to that concept of "opus dei"... We sanctify our work! We can make things holy, in all that we do! From doing our homework, to doing chores... these are all gifts we can bring to the altar. Our DESK is our altar, our HOME is our altar. We bring it before God, and wow...

I hope anyone who comes across this and has questions will ask me. I honestly don't know why I wrote that. I don't know if I'll even be able to explain it correctly, but I'll do it to the best of my ability. Believe it!

God bless !

Bedtime Scripture!

So... 11 days felt like a long time. Updates, updates. Well! I've been struggling in Calculus and when finals rolled around, I was scared senseless. When I found out I got a B on the final, I was ecstatic since it raised my grade from a 66 to a 77%! Crazy, huh? But honestly, like I'm not even exaggerating or trying to make this story sound cute or whatever. I seriously don't know how I could've managed that if God wasn't helping me out. SERIOUSLY. When I went through that test, I skipped about 10-15 questions out of 30. When I went back to it, it was though the HS was taking the test for me. AHAH. Not saying he can only pull off B's (I'm pretty sure He can get something greater than an A), but God's grace man. Oddly enough, I am a pessimist. I'm proved wrong countless times. Mara, Nazh, and Oliver know very well! I'm glad I was proved wrong here (:

Hmm.. What else? Oh, so Thursday for LT Bible Study, we covered 1 Corinthians 12:31-13:13 and Luke 4:21-30. I just want to share one thing (for now, since we covered  A LOT of ground). That we are all supposed to "respect, restore, and love every personal equally."  Hmmm.. Mother Teresa of Calcutta is my greatest example of that. And hey! It appears as if I wrote about her in a post earlier! But yeah. Love her despite her beliefs (whether it be atheism or Christianity), love him despite his temper, love them despite their controlling personality, etc. Show the same love you show to your mom, your brother/sister, friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, that one stranger!

But yeah! I know I'm just touching up on them, but if you're really curious, I encourage you to do some studying on your own! Go attend Bible Study, go to Mass, go have lunch with SOMEONE.

What I really wanted to share though:

Psalm 54:5-11

For he who has become your husband is your Maker; his name is the LORD of hosts; 

Your redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, called God of all the earth.

The LORD calls you back, like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit,

A wife married in youth and then cast off, says your God.

For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with great tenderness I will take you back.

In an outburst of wrath, for a moment I hid my face from you;

But with enduing love I take pity on you, says the LORD, your redeemer.

this is for me like the days of Noah, when I swore that the waters of Noah should never again deluge the earth;

So I have sworn not to be angry with you, or to rebuke you.

Though the mountains leave their place and the hills be shaken, 

My love shall never leave you nor my covenant of peace be shaken says the LORD, who has mercy on you.

O afflicted one, strom-battered and unconsoled. 

I lay your pavements in carnelians and your foundations in sapphires.

Why does this strike me so? Well, I got some background information. I've been studying up on some theology pertaining especially to Covenant. God's covenant with man through the ages. So I'm just gonna hit some points real quick! And these are points that our Church Fathers have learned and passed on, what theologians have discovered, and all that good jazz. My source is... Scott Hahn! (: What makes covenants differ from contracts are two major differences:

1. Contracts are promises, whereas covenants are oaths where God is our witness. Covenants are wayy more serious, trust me.
2. A contract is an exchange of property, while a covenant is an exchange of persons. Instead of saying "this is yous, this is mine", a covenant goes along the lines of "I am yours, you are mine"

So if we look throughout Scripture, we see how God is after our hearts--so much that he wants to make these "sacred kinship bonds" in order for us to be a part of his royal family. So much that God wants to make COVENANTS that cannot be broken.

Which is WHYYYY the above verses strike me so! God has made covenants with his people. You, me, everyone who wants to be a part of that is welcome. But see, these covenants have bonds that are so strong, that not even God can break them. He doesn't want to, out of his love for us. His mercy, love, tenderness overcome all the times he wanted to abandon us for good, feel wrath, hurt. His love for us is so strong. He knew what was gonna happen even after the flooding in Noah's time. He knows what you and I are going to do tomorrow. But He chose to make this these covenants before all these things happen, because He's after our hearts. He wants to make sacred bonds with us that He, you, me cannot break. So as you sleep tonight, think about your day. And think about how you've made an effort on your side of the bargain errr.. bond. Can we choose to live our days after His own heart. Can we be the "man after his own heart" (1 Samuel 13:14) just as King David was?

There's another challenge! It appears as if I'm full of challenges. Pray that I'll be able to live it out as well! ^_^

God Bless!

Brotherfriend (:

Words of a Seminarian: but ya, if theres one piece of advice i could give you (well probably a lot, but for now one) well its that, when you pursue god's will, he will provide many consolations in your life, meaning many graces many points of joy and happiness because its only natural that when you follow his will, true joy follows and you're already experiencing that, amidst gatherings, and sharings right? but! remember all these consolations and joys, write them down, record them in your heart, for in following God's will, there will be a great number of trials and obstacles. so remember those consolations, because they will get you through those times of desolation.

I think this piece of advice will come in handy in the future. And I just want to keep this up here, knowing there's a possibility that these words may affect someone other than me as well. Hearing this advice also reminds me of something Kuya Pat once told us during a service team meeting: You've tasted a piece of heaven, now fight for it. I understand that following God's will is a battle and through these little joys I experience, I realize that He's preparing me for the ultimate joy that will come after I leave this place. And so these next four years with college life is another chapter where I'm going to taste a piece of heaven every day, and experience trials and homesickness at the same time. But, just you wait. With God's grace, and His grace alone, I'll overcome it all. I'm going to fight for it. Thanks, Rence.

Some stuff I really need to get around to...

HOMEWORK.
Finish The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis
Start the workbook for Theology of the Body by Pope John Paul II
Start Saint Thomas Aquinas|Saint Francis of Assisi by G.K. Chesterton
Listen to some Scott Hahn Podcasts


What to do, what to do...

Oh yeah! And Unconcert Auditions went well! Honestly, even if I don't get in, I'm glad I was able to send out my message to a handful of people. Dude, the band room was pretty full when I sang .. Praise God! (:

But "Forever" is MOST DEFINITELY in the bag! <3

Peace easy! God Bless<3

My Vocation story

When I got accepted to Franciscan University, I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to actually go there. I was excited that I got accepted, but I didn't know if it was going to be part of God's plan. To be honest, I was torn. This past year, I just realized how much my family means to me (especially since Kuya left), I realized how true my friends were (People who've I've grown to love after 4 or more years), and I realized the love behind my parish and my community with FCJC here at home. It's funny. Cause I realized all of this a little late.

But Saturday night, Tito Bill asked me to give a sharing for the Monthly Gathering. And so that night, I tried to think of things to share. There has to be something, right? God is always victorious and I just want to let everyone know that He is! The next day, I still haven't figured out what to say. And when the gathering started, I just asked God to help me out, cause I wanted to share His glory with everyone! So, Tito Reggie gave his talk and he was just talking about not being prepared as well (coincidence?), but the Holy Spirit led him to his notebook, and a title struck him: We were made for a mission. And throughout this talk, several things struck ME:

1. Evangelization starts in the home, our communities. Then you set forth "to the ends of the earth" 
2. When we are called, and when we respond to that call with "Use me" we get exactly what we ask, and we can't use finance, distance, or relationships get in the way of our service. We have to have the early apostles' attitudes of dropping everything to follow Jesus.

 And so what I got out of these tidbits is that I want to bring my mom and dad back into the community, before I go out and do my own thing. I also learned that since I was called, I can no longer turn back from it. And.. I finally understood that God was calling me to Franciscan. I can't let distance interfere with my service, even if it means a little bit of suffering. This next chapter in my life, I have a new cross to bear. But "with every crucifixion, there's a resurrection." And BAM! With that realization, I knew what I had to share. Holy Spirit, FTW! >:O YEAHHH.

After I shared (oh, I cried too), I just got a lot of support from the Community. Adult I haven't seen for months came up to me after the gathering and congratulated me, telling me that they were gonna pray for me. Man, I wanted to cry so much, but I'm strong! >:O ahaha When I got to church, I got even more congratulations, and a lot of affirmation. And people were excited for me, and I felt at peace knowing that this is something God wanted me to do. He was just reaffirming His plan for me through these people.

Then Mass started, And Fr. Marcial Juan's first words were: Baptism isn't the end, it's the beginning of a mission. He also challenged us to share our Vocation Story, and I don't know if this is technically a vocation story. I know that it's something pretty close to it. WTHECKKK. Coincidence? No. After the Mass, Brennen and I were talking about how the Holy Spirit works. How if everyone listens to the Holy Spirit, then it's just all of us playing into God's plan!

Like if I never read Uncle Rick's email updates about the FCJC Gathering, I would have never gone to the gathering. I would have never did my sharing. I would have never figured out what God wants me to do. I would have never figured out what the Homily would really mean for me.

It's these little things that we hardly notice. That may change the rest of our lives--forever.

And just to end this thang. Something I learned from Tito Reggie. I just want to let you know that the Mission Jesus Christ set out before us--to bring people the Good News--is the very reason our hearts are still beating. Why has He not taken us as soon as we have come to accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior? Because we have yet to complete the work Jesus started. Notice how Mass ends after a prayer, right after the high point of the Mass (the Eucharist) is because it's a commissioning. It's not the end, but a beginning. The last verses of Matthew (28:16-20). It wasn't an ending of a great story, but a beginning of a new mission. So as Jesus said "Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son , and of the holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I amd with you always, until the end of the age." (Mt 28:19-20)

To Anonymous & everyone else.

So apparently, I can't comment on my own blog, so here's my message for you!

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this blog. And most especially for your wonderful affirmation message. It's humbling to know that none of these things that I do for Him could have been done without the guidance of the Holy Spirit. It just goes to show how endless the possibilities are when we listen to the Holy Spirit. My goal in making this blog was to show how victorious God is in my life, and how much of an impact He is in our everyday lives. And so it's even more amazing to know that it has affected at least one person. To God be the glory!

But yeah. If you ever need ANYTHING. Prayers or anything at all, I'm just one comment away. Or facebook, even! Just make sure to identify yourself cause I get scared (: ahahah! But yeah. Catholic = universal. And we are one big Christian family. And part of our duty as brothers and sisters is to be there for one another. SO yeah. Take care and God bless!

Keep fighting the good fight (:

My Dream School

So, I'm afraid to boast, but I can't help but share how God is victorious in my life! I got accepted in my dream school, Franciscan University of Steubenville, Ohio. It's a faith-based school that attracted me in so many ways (once I became open to it). To be honest, I'm scared senseless to go there because that just means I'm going to be away from family and relatives, close friends, the Church I grew spiritually in, the youth group that molded me, etc. But I know that I'll learn to be uprooted from the foundation of everything I mentioned, and be grounded solely in God's love.

I'm just so grateful for all the support I've been receiving, from Rence who told me to go for it, to Mariel who was there to talk me through this, to family and Kuya who want to be selfish and keep me home but know that they have to let me go at one point, to friends near and far who share in my joy and continue to pray for me. The list goes on and on. Thank you especially to Kuya and Gian who've given me the sweetest messages everrr!

Anywho, I just want to share the essay I turned in with my application. While writing this essay, God revealed to me (through John), that "I am not an experience-seeker" or a "Franciscan-seeker," but a God seeker. And I'm just praying that I listen to God's will, whether Franciscan will be a part of His plan or not!

My essay:

My youth music minister once wrote a song with these lyrics: “You are the one that my heart sings, a passion for my King of Kings.” These words define the very meaning of my existence. My passion for singing and my capacity of both my mind and heart are the strengths that I cannot call my own; instead, I can say God gave me these gifts to build His Church. I grew up afraid to share my voice since I was very self-conscious. The same music minister who wrote those lyrics was the same one that forced me to join the choir at my parish, pushing me beyond my comfort zone. Sure enough, my way of thinking changed as I turned my fear into an offering. I became confident as I started placing my trust in Him, and I knew with each song that I lived to please Him. I consider the capacity of my mind and the capacity of my heart as two of my greatest strengths. Since “the same power that conquered the grave lives in me,” (“You Are Here/The Same Power” – Hillsong) I know that wisdom can have no limit and love knows no bounds. I am eager to find answers to my questions and learn as much as I can both about the Catholic faith and the Spirit that moves it. For instance, one of the most important things I have come to understand is that I cannot love others without loving Him first. By applying this to my relationships with family and friends, as well as interactions with new people I meet, God shows me a love I have never experienced before. Knowing Who dwells in me, and knowing that I live for Him makes the possibilities endless for me, as an ambassador for the Truth.

I know God wants me to become more like His Son and although I know I can never amount to anywhere near good enough, I feel that Franciscan will mold me to become close to what God wants me to be. Today, I am a person grounded in my faith, family, friends, and in my youth group. I am someone whose faith is borrowed from strong warriors. I am someone who constantly needs guidance and wisdom. I know that going to a faith-based school will only take me so far, but I feel Franciscan University is a school that will teach me how to make God the center of my life—it’s going to bring me closer. God wants me to be someone grounded solely in His love. He wants me to be someone whose faith is borrowed from His Son, Jesus Christ. He wants me to become an intelligent individual with child-like obedience so He can shepherd me.

An education at Franciscan University would best complement my learning style as well as my desire to learn more about my faith. As a member of a close-knit family and a Catholic community, I have grown to love an intimate learning environment. I also believe that being surrounded by hundreds of believers my age everyday inspires me to become more like Him. I love the idea of being in walking distance of an Adoration Chapel and the “heaven-on-earth” atmosphere seven days a week. Since I want to grow closer to Jesus Christ and bring people closer to Him, I believe that attending Franciscan University will further equip me with the necessary tools to learn more about, and defend, my faith.

Let's do it!

You can skip this next paragraph if you want (it's just me babbling about why I'm crazy and up all night)

Well, I'm fired up! And its 5:50 a.m. I guess I'll explain my craziness. Well. Wednesday night, I had a lot of homework to complete, so.. I pulled an all nighter, didn't end up finishing my stuff anyway. Ahaha. So I had a paper due this morning at 6:00 am and I wanted to do it last night, but like I said, I didn't finish. Hm.. Thursday (yesterday) I went to Adoration Chapel to do my Examination of Conscience, and then I went inside the Church to wait for Confession. I knocked out on on of the pews and I swear I heard someone say "What is this girl doing here?" I hope I didn't snore >_< Went to Confession. When I got home, I jumped in on some discussion entititled: Purgatory- True or False? Ahahaha. So I went on there, and I gave some of my input, and then I decided to do some research on my own. Took a nap for two hours (9-11) But I had to do my homework first, so I did that and got myself caught up for Econ. while I was at it. So I listened to a Podcast this past hour, played stuff over and over again so I could follow along with Scripture. Ahaha. I don't know why I'm babbling. BUT TO MY REAL MESSAGE!

Just learning about Purgatory inspired me, because I not only learned about this little aspect about my faith, but the message I received this morning was that God expects more of me! In such a good way though! (Side note: What I learned is that those who may have died physically, but have Christ in their hearts are VERY MUCH ALIVE. More alive than you and me, which is why I don't find it odd when I ask saints to pray for me.) Keeping THAT in mind, the love of Christ that I have in my heart right now should be used to it's full potential. Because when we get to heaven that love will be perfected. But why wait till heaven to experience heaven on earth? Why wait till heaven to bring heaven on Earth? I know I'm very impatient, at times I can be short-tempered, but I just wanna change for the better. I want to bring heaven on earth--and I'm going to do that with the love of Christ that God has given me. And no, it doesn't necessarily mean I'll be hunting you down to go to Bible Studies with me, but something much simpler but more profound. Opus Dei! I want to show you the love of Christ through ordinary conversations, hang outs, lunches, etc. But yeah, I realized that now that I've learned another Truth today (that God wants more from me) I can't just ignore it. I have to do something about it. Pray for me?

Challenge: Pray for someone that has passed away recently. Whether you know/don't know them, know that when they're in heaven, the Love that is perfected in them "remembers more and prays more." You won't be forgotten because they want to bring YOU to God's throne since they know what it's like. They want to share it with us. Yee yee? (:

"Lord, I pray for ______, may you purify them and refine them Lord, so that you may perfect Your love in them. Amen."

Peace out! <3

P.S. If you want to listen to that Podcast
If you like that, go to this site. It's my new friend (:

God bless!

Still can't do anything yet...

So might as well blog. I don't even know if my head's in the right place as of now. But, again. Here goes nothing... errr everything.

Currently listening to:
C.S. Lewis Song - Brooke Fraser
Based on Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis.

I don't know if the rest of the lines are from that book, but I know the first couple of lines are from Mere Christianity. Btw, I totally recommend that book. You can be atheist, someone who's getting into the faith, devout Christian, etc. You'll definitely learn something new. My favorite lines:

If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy
I can only conclude that I, I was not made for here.

Alright, this may be hard to understand... at least it was hard for me when I heard it the first time. But when it was explained to me in the book, it clicked! All right. So basically we have wants and desires, but no matter HOW HARD WE TRY, we always seem to be missing something. We can have all the money in the world, but we can't buy happiness. We can have 1,234,523,234 friends, but we can still feel lonely. We can have all the fame in the world, but still have a broken life. We can chase all these things of this world that seem to make us happy, but come short at the end. This means that all these earthly things we tend to be after (yes, I'm guilty too! All those material things that make me grow attached to this world) aren't ENOUGH to fill that GREATER DESIRE. We have desires for something that is not of THIS world. I've said this often (and all of a sudden my ideas are starting to come together): We have an affinity for Jesus Christ. What is it that draws us to Him? Why do we see atheists joining Christian groups? Why do we see the lukewarm Christians asking questions, after such a long time? So now we know we have a desire for Jesus Christ, and it just goes to show that we were not meant for this world, but in the next.

Don't misunderstand me, though. C.S. Lewis also explains that the things in this world are not bad, or that we should take the blessings we recieve on this earth for granted. They are, I guess, sneak previews of what we're REALLY going to receive.

Sorry if I was all over the place tonight. It's currently 1:24 am

But yeah, I just encourage you to read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. It can answer questions such as... Can God microwave a hot pocket that's too hot for Him to eat? Think about it. (:

Upset.

Angry, annoyed, mad, upset, disgruntled, aggravated, impatient, irate, upset, upset,... oh, did i mention upset?

The joys of wasting my winterbreak away... it always bites me in the butt. Here goes nothing for the end of second semester.